June 15, 2024



4 min read

Its 3:22am on this Tuesday July morning, I want to go back to sleep, but I can’t. Her alarm (my girlfriend) will go
off at 5:15am so we can begin our workout by 5:40am. Will I have enough energy for that if I don’t go back to sleep?

I woke up about thirty minutes ago to pee and my mind hasn’t shut off since. I normally don’t have a problem with going to sleep, its usually going back to sleep after my 2am restroom pee.

Today seems different but typical at the same time. Whats on my heart is the pressures of life. One of the many pressures of life is finances. WHERE IS MY MONEY AT?? My finances aren’t where they need to be. They’re not where I want them.

In 2014 I had the idea to launch my blog with my youtube channel with financial hopes in mind from the information I presented to the world. That looked different from reality of the situation from what I envisioned.

Two years after that inception, I launched, and I have been on a rollercoaster since. The idea of just putting your content up and sitting back to collect an ad sense check, well for me, didn’t and or hasn’t worked that way. It’s much more intricate than that. Maybe one day I’ll break down those intricacies but not today.

At its inception of content posting of my continuous journey, the idea of personal training had never crossed my mind. It was something that was far from my mentality at the moment, that what I have become today in that field, would be hard to believe for you if you didn’t know me, or I hadn’t told you.

As I lay on this bed with two fans on, the ac on, on the third level of my home, next to me is sleeping beauty, the woman who I love, but I cant help but think, how can I take care of her better?

How can I take care of us? Not solely, but what do I need to do better to do my part in securing us financially? This is what is keeping me up this morning.

I thank God for the provisions he has provided over the years. The fact that I have made a living from what I couldn’t envision, shows how his plans are so much greater than ours. I could go on and boast in his glory for what he has done from strictly a materialistic standpoint, let alone spiritual, but just know this, the Lord has blessed.

In the same breath I feel the wants, the urge and desire for more is what drives me. Its what keeps me going. My version of wanting more, is always with my family at the helms. 90% of the time Im thinking what can I provide for my nieces and nephews. My younger brother who I haven’t seen in over 20 years just had his first child, therefore I have to use the word nephew in plural context now.

What do I have for him? What do I have for them? I’m
big bro to him. Why am I not in a better position to help them? Why am I not in a better position to have so type of college fund for my nieces?

I’m halfway through 40, headed towards 41, and it’s like, shouldn’t I be well off by now? What have I been doing with my life?

It’s the middle of July and every year it slows down in personal training during this time. I prepare myself the best way I can, or at least think, but its always that moment when you hit rock bottom and this is it.

I wont stay here for long because business always picks up but with the inflation in the economy, its still a crap shoot.

From online customized workout ebooks, merchandise website, an ecookbook, to monetization on socials, these are my passive income contingencies in place to offset the summer slow down in personal training.

As with anything these come with their own line of issues. Too much to detail at this moment. Lets just say these things aren’t yielding what I expected either.

So I ask, “what am I doing wrong…consistently to get these same results.”. Enough isn’t enough obviously. On top of all that, my health needs to improve majorly because I feel I don’t have that much time left.

Not having that much time left is strictly from the mind of a 40 year old man who feels this is the halfway point of his life. I don’t have youth on my side which has been a reality check when I see the weight hasn’t been coming off as fast as it did eight years ago.

Looking at the time its 4:14am and it’s looking like Im not gonna fall back to sleep so here I am writing in these notes.

There are days where I feel I don’t know what to do. I put information that I feel is helpful to you in your fitness journey but maybe thats where my problem roots at. Its what I feel vs what YOU feel is helpful or could be helpful.

Im learning to listen to your wants, needs, and desires to succeed in your fitness journey via marketing strategy podcasts I listen to improve my approach to you. If thats a run on sentence, cut me some slack, its close to 430am.

Its looking like I wont be getting back to sleep anytime soon so I may as well get out this bed to head to my office to chip away at the many projects I have in the que, like posting this blog that you are reading.

Thanks for your time.


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