Birthday Reflections on the Way to the Gym

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It is December 15, 2025, and today is my 44th birthday. It’s cold—cold cold. It was 13 degrees when I left the house, and it’s good. Life is good. I am here. I am present. I’ve been gifted.

This is my birthday, and at 44, I’ve seen so much. I’ve seen a lot of great things, and I’ve seen a lot of bad things. Just like there is sunrise, there is sunset. Light, darkness. Heads and tails. Seasons. It’s all a cycle. Life is a cycle.

It’s full of contrasting colors—black, white, bright, dark—contrast. And it’s the experience of both that helps you understand the cycle, because that’s just the way God made it. And it’s for a purpose. For me to learn.

So many things have changed. Change doesn’t necessarily mean good. It’s what it needs to be for the lesson to be learned at this point in time in my life, for what I need to believe, blossom into.

I haven’t done a podcast in over a year. I haven’t increased my bench press in over a year. And so, as today is my 44th birthday, naturally, you think of what did you accomplish in the past year?

You begin to reflect on where you ended off—things you said going into the next year that you would be better at. So, the podcast and bench press for me is that.

At 44, reflection becomes unavoidable. Life’s cycles, contrast, and change all reveal lessons—some uncomfortable, some beautiful. This season has been about awareness, honesty, and understanding that growth doesn’t always look the way we expect.

Priorities change because your thinking tends to go somewhere else. You start focusing on how something can serve you more in the long run. So I began focusing on other things that could advance me more over time.

But within that, if there’s still something missing—and there are a lot of things missing now in my life—it becomes impossible to ignore.

My mother’s not here. Some of my aunts and cousins aren’t here. So much has changed.

And while those things hurt, and are painful, and represent a very dark time in my life, I am so blessed, thankful, and grateful for the life I live today—for the life that God chose me to still be here for.

God said so. I am still here.

And there’s so much beauty in life.

Yes, it’s cold outside, but it feels good. I’ve always prided myself on being a December baby—able to withstand the cold. Maybe that’s why one of my favorite characters in Mortal Kombat was Sub-Zero, now that I think about it.

Loss changes everything. Absence creates deep pain, but gratitude still exists alongside grief. Even in cold seasons, there is strength, identity, and purpose forming quietly beneath the surface.

The cold has a good purpose to it.

Some of the best drinks are cold. They have to be chilled. When you get done cooking a steak—or a brisket, like the one I smoked yesterday—there comes a point where it’s done cooking, and it’s got to cool down. It’s got to rest.

So being that it’s cold outside, a lot of things are at rest. They’re being cooled down for the perfect harvest.

Because there’s going to be a season of spring where there’s new growth. There’s going to be a season of growth. Then there’s going to be a season of harvest.

And right after the harvest, things have to cool down again.

So it’s a cycle.

And you’ve got to let it happen.

Well, you don’t really have a choice but to let it happen. You don’t control any of it. I don’t control any of it.

Rest is not failure—it’s preparation. Cooling down doesn’t mean stopping; it means allowing the process to complete so the next season can arrive as it should.

I’m learning to be happy because I’m understanding the process more. I’m understanding that it takes sacrifice.

And sacrifice can hurt.

Not all the time do I want to sacrifice. Not all the time—or ever. But I understand the necessity of it now even more.

I’m appreciating life more—the opportunities, the grace, the mercy that God gives me every single day.

I wake up and realize I didn’t wake myself up. God said so. He said, I want you here.

And so I am.

I’m learning to be. I’m learning that lesson—I want you here. Gotcha.

So I’m learning how to be better. Hopefully I will be this year.

Sacrifice clarifies purpose. Awareness brings gratitude. Every breath, every morning, every moment is permission granted—not assumed.

Forty-four.

Forty-four beautiful years on this planet so far.

I pray to live three times this. I want to live a long, healthy, prosperous, abundant, blessed life in the love of Jesus Christ that leads my life.

I’ve learned so much of that in the past 12 months.

And I thank God for that lesson.